


First time for Everything

by AwatereJones



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alien sex spray, First Time, M/M, Naughty, Smutt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 20:29:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16940175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: Another thought about the possible first time between Captain and Coffee-king. SMUTT





	First time for Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meretrixvilis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meretrixvilis/gifts).



The capsule had broken on impact. If Jack had been closer he might have recognised the markings before Ianto breathed in the mist but now there was no going back. Not when Jack had to go pull Ianto out and he knew. He knew the moment Ianto regained consciousness what the drug was.

Erotica.

Shit.

Ianto only lived a few streets away, but Jack insisted on driving, though he kind of wished he hadn't when his hands slipped on the steering wheel more than once. He didn't like the roll of his stomach as he parked the car in Ianto's driveway and got out, nor did he like the thrum of animated energy coming off Ianto as he climbed out of the passenger side and strode up to his front door.

Once inside, Ianto headed toward the kitchen. He didn't hesitate to bring down two glasses and a bottle of scotch from a glass-fronted cupboard. "Want one?"

Jack almost said yes, but shook his head instead. "No, thanks. I need to keep a clear head. On call."

What he needed to do was make sure he didn't say or do anything that would raise Ianto's suspicions. It was bad enough he'd agreed to do take him home in the first place; he didn't want Ianto knowing it was his own desire to have Ianto in his arms that had pushed him over the line.

Ianto grinned, looking far happier than Jack had ever seen him, whereas Jack guessed his own face conveyed uneasy apprehension.

He stood in the middle of the kitchen, not knowing what the hell to do. Normally he would be kissing the guy who he brought home, or getting him to strip, but here, Jack hadn't a clue. He supposed the ball was in Ianto's court, and would have to wait until Ianto was ready to play. Soon hopefully, before the drug had him completely insane. When Ianto turned to put his back to the counter, however, he suddenly looked nervous, all confidence gone, and Jack guessed Ianto wouldn't be making the first move after all.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Jack asked, hoping this might be his way out, though the idea of backing out now seemed repellent. Ianto nodded, but he didn't budge. "I could get a hooker for you or …"

Jack waited a moment, then being the weak fucker he was, stood in front of Ianto and took his glass from him, putting it onto the counter.

"Where do you want to start?" Jack asked.

"I, um, I don't know. I've never seduced a man."

"I damn well hope not." It still didn't sit well—Ianto wanting to do this, but at least Jack could breathe easy that Ianto wouldn't have tried this with someone else _. But why was he trying it at all?_

Still not understanding Ianto's reason, Jack again worried that once this was over… No, he didn't want to think about that. Didn't want to think of a future without Ianto in it. Slightly rattled, Jack took a deep breath, pushing his fears to the back of his mind. Ianto wouldn't just quit if he decided he'd made a mistake. He chose already right? He'd think about his actions rationally and wouldn't blame Jack for giving him what he'd asked for. At least that's what Jack hoped. It was a chance Jack needed to take, that and the only one he'd ever get to be with Ianto.

"I don't know about you, but I like to start slow and work my way up to hot and fast." Jack watched Ianto's face, gauging his reaction. Ianto wasn't all that easy to read, which was why this had come as such a surprise. Now though, he wasn't hiding anything, and his eyes showed both need and trepidation.

"Slow? Like kissing?"

"Yeah." How many times had he thought about kissing Ianto? "And touching," he added, because he'd thought about that a lot too.

"So we do that first?"

"If you want." Sounding nonchalant didn't come easy, how could it when his nerves were strung so tight?

"I want."

Ianto slid his arms around Jack's waist. Jack shivered just slightly, the simple contact affecting him more than he'd thought.

"This kind of touching okay?" Ianto asked, his blue-grey eyes wide as he stared into Jack's.

Not sure how he'd sound if he tried to talk, Jack nodded. Ianto's shoulders were as broad as his own, his chest as wide. They were both the same height, and their hips aligned perfectly. So did their mouths. Jack dropped his gaze to Ianto's lips. The man licked them, and Jack instantly reacted to the unvoiced invitation. He leaned in, and ignoring everything that told him this wasn't going to end well, he joined their mouths together.

Ianto gasped, and Jack instantly pulled back.

"No, don't stop." Ianto's plea hit a chord with Jack. That's what he usually wanted the men he was fucking to say, and hearing it from Ianto was no different. He pushed up against Ianto's body, capturing his lips again. This time Ianto moaned.

Wanting to grip the back of Ianto's head and plunder his mouth, it took a lot of effort for Jack to remind himself he wasn't doing this for his own pleasure. He was supposed to be giving Ianto an experience he wouldn't forget, but Jack couldn't help savour the feel of Ianto's lips on his and notice how soft yet firm they were. He tried to be gentle, giving Ianto a chance to pull back if he wanted to, but Ianto tightened his grip around Jack's waist before moving to link his arms around Jack's neck.

Need caused Jack to trace Ianto's bottom lip with his tongue. Ianto opened his mouth, and Jack slowly entered. Heated wetness, along with the silky slide of Ianto's tongue, had Jack slanting his head, getting a better angle. He gently explored, the whiskey flavour a sharp contrast to the sweetness that lay beyond.

So right.

Everything about Ianto tasted so right. Craving more, Jack nibbled across Ianto's hard jaw then dragged his mouth down Ianto's throat, licking the slightly rough skin, relishing in the fact that Ianto hadn't shaved. Ianto arched his neck to give Jack better access, and the unconscious submissive gesture had Jack's body tightening in arousal.

Jack fought to take it slow, but the way Ianto was reacting, the way he seemed to be giving himself over to Jack, just pushed all of Jack's buttons. Needing to change the pace, he pulled back and dropped his hands, but immediately missed the contact of Ianto's skin.

"Should we get undressed now?" Ianto's question was too close to Jack's own thoughts, but he shook his head. Seeing Ianto naked… Jack inwardly groaned. Shit, how was he seriously supposed to do this without Ianto finding out how much he couldn't wait to get in his ass?

"No. I mean… Why don't you have a shower, and I'll, um…" What? Wait in bed for him, stay in the kitchen, run away and never come back? The surrealism of what was going to happen was throwing Jack for a loop. What if he fucked this up?

"Come in with me?" The hopeful glint in Ianto's eyes was Jack's undoing. He hadn't been able to say no to Ianto when it counted. Giving in and having a shower with him wouldn't make any difference, so Jack nodded and allowed himself to be led toward the bathroom.

He honestly tried not to stare as Ianto started pulling at his tie and undoing it. Jack had never thought of ties as sexy before, nor a plain white shirt, and certainly not suit pants, but as Ianto took off each item of clothing, exposing a well-toned and nicely-muscled frame, Jack started to change his mind. He licked his lips, his throat constricting slightly.

"Jack?" Ianto had stopped at his tight, black briefs, and there was a smirk twisting his mouth. "Are you going to just look at me or are you going to get undressed too?"

Clearing his throat, Jack began pulling off his T-shirt and jeans, self-conscious and a little disconcerted at the way Ianto was watching him. It was as Jack got down to his boxers that he noticed the front of Ianto's briefs begin to stretch and fill out. For some odd reason, Jack hadn't expected Ianto to get aroused, which was stupid now that he thought about it. Ianto wanted to get fucked. He'd no doubt want to come. Why else would he do something like this?

Jack swallowed, fascinated with the way Ianto was hardening under his gaze. His own body's response was immediate, which Jack tried to ignore, otherwise he'd be pushing Ianto against the wall and opening him up or swallowing him down.

"You may want to get out of those before you strangle something," he said, hoping to keep the mood light so Ianto wouldn't start freaking out on him.

Ianto seemed a million miles from freaking out, however. He hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his briefs and slowly—very slowly—eased them over his erection and down his hips. Jack openly stared. Fuck, Ianto was big. Thick and long, he nearly put Jack's to shame. Nearly. Jack suddenly wanted to compare. He pulled off his boxer briefs ridiculously fast and moved to stand closer to Ianto. It was only as he was about to reach out and grasp Ianto's cock did Jack realize what he was doing. He stopped, and felt his face turn red.

"I was going to compare dick sizes," he said by way of explanation when Ianto frowned at him.

"Do gay men do that?"

"Not just gay men, but yeah." Jack eyed Ianto's cock again. "I didn't realize you were so big."

"Good thing I'm not fucking you then, isn't it?"

Jack quirked an eyebrow, surprised at Ianto's humour. _If_ Ianto was trying to be funny that was. "What makes you think I'd let you top?"

Ianto's grey eyes locked onto Jack's blue ones. Ianto's were serious once more. "Would you?"

"I might." Jack had no idea what made him say that, but as soon as he had, he knew he meant it. If Ianto was gay and things were different… But Ianto wasn't, and they weren't.

"Are we going to have that shower now?" he asked, pushing past Ianto and turning on the hot water.

The water was too hot when he stepped under it, and he had to quickly add some cold. He grabbed the first bottle he saw on the shelf and squeezed some onto the puffy thing hooked over the tap. Just as he was about to start rubbing it vigorously over his body, it was taken from him. He blinked as Ianto stepped into the shower and crowded him into the corner.

"You don't want to do this, do you?" Ianto asked.

Knowing he had to be honest because Ianto wouldn't accept anything else from him, Jack said what was in his heart. "I _do_ want to do this, but I don't want to lose our friendship over it. Things are going to get awkward and…"

"It won't get awkward. You're my friend, Jack, and I have no intention of losing you. You're the reason I'm doing this."

 _He was the reason?_ On the verge of asking Ianto what he meant, Jack got sidetracked as Ianto moved in closer and brushed his lips softly against Jack's. His silky wet skin was a complete distraction, and Jack forgot about everything else as he accepted Ianto's kiss and allowed the other man to start massaging suds onto his chest. He grabbed Ianto's hips and aligned them together, moaning at the tactile pressure. Best friend or not, having a man's hard cock sliding alongside his was not something Jack could deny himself.

Bubbles slithered down his stomach and pooled at the mat of dark curls at his and Ianto's groins. Jack noticed how the bubbles made Ianto's skin glisten, and how they made grinding against him so much better. Before Jack got swept away by the hot shards of desire rushing through him, he gently took the sudsy sponge from Ianto and dropped it to the tiled floor, and then he brought his hands to Ianto's cock and carefully encircled his thick length. Ianto's low grunt of surprise had Jack smiling.

"You do know this is only the beginning, don't you?" he said.

"Yes. I just… Yes."

Good, because there is so much more I'm going to do to you."

 _So much more_.

Careful, so Ianto would know what he intended, Jack dropped to his knees. He glanced up once, and then uncaring of the water pouring over his head, drew Ianto's cock into his mouth. At the first salty burst of flavour on his tongue, Jack groaned, unable to help the needy sound. No way in his wildest dreams had he ever thought this would become a reality. He savoured the taste, the weight on his tongue, and then in a primal instinct to capture as much as he could before it was taken away from him, he dipped his head lower and began to suck.

"Fuck, Jack!" Before Jack had a chance to react, Ianto's knees buckled and he began sliding toward the floor.

Grabbing Ianto so he didn't hit his head on the tiled wall, Jack helped him sit down. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Ianto nodded. "Yeah. I didn't think it would feel like that."

"I barely got started," Jack said, confused. "You have had blowjobs before, right?"

With his breathing unsteady, and his hands clutched around his knees, Ianto stared at Jack. "Of course I have, but this is different."

"How?"

Mumbling something Jack didn't catch, Ianto got to his feet and turned off the water. He grabbed a towel and passed it to Jack before wrapping another one around himself. His face was controlled, but his eyes seemed wild.

"You honestly don't know, do you?"

"Know what?" Feeling like he was missing something, Jack shook his head.

Ianto made a small sound of annoyance, but then seized Jack's arm and began dragging him toward the bedroom. He'd only been in Ianto's bedroom once when Ianto had been sick and Jack had put him to bed. The room hadn't changed. The bed was neatly made, there was still a pile of books on the side table, and just like before there wasn't a scrap of clothing scattered on the floor or the club chair located in the corner. However, it looked… different. It wasn't until Jack noticed the box of condoms and the bottle of lube next to the bed that he realized why.

This wasn't the place where he'd tucked Ianto in and told him he'd be okay while holding a cold compress to his forehead; this was the place where he was going to fuck his sexy PA.

Pulling in a deep breath, Jack counted to ten before letting it out slowly. Performance anxiety had never been an issue before, but he suddenly wondered if he was going to be worthy of Ianto's expectations. What if he was so bad, Ianto wished he _had_ tried this with someone else? A prickle of apprehension settled in Jack's stomach, but not wanting Ianto to know how daunted he felt right then, he casually pulled off his towel and crawled onto the middle of the bed.

"Ready?" he asked.

Ianto nodded, dropped his towel to the floor, and edged right next to Jack. Ianto's heat immediately seeped into Jack's skin, chasing away the chill sitting in his gut. He was naked, in bed, with Ianto, and Ianto wanted him there. Succumbing to the need raging inside, Jack pushed Ianto onto his back and settled between his thighs.

"Let's try that blowjob again, shall we?" he suggested.

Still hard, Ianto's cock stretched toward his navel. The skin was pulled back, the head flushed pink and slowly dripping precum onto Ianto's flat stomach. Jack never thought Ianto would be so turned on, and the sight of him pushed Jack's arousal to new heights. His cock pulsed, causing a thin thread of clear fluid to land on Ianto's thigh. Staring intently at that glistening evidence, Jack had to fight a mad need to simply jack off over Ianto and mark him.

"Jack?"

Glancing up, Jack caught Ianto's heated gaze. The blue in Ianto's eyes shone with open desire and expectation, something Jack desperately wanted to fulfil. He mentally shook himself, and then as elegantly as he could he drew Ianto's solid length into his mouth once more.

Ianto groaned and clutched at Jack's head, threading his fingers through Jack's hair. A shot of lust raced through Jack's limbs and he had to force himself to take things slowly. He used his tongue to trace the slit at the tip of Ianto's cock, gently lapping up the tangy liquid. Ianto shifted restlessly, pushing up with his hips.

"Don't tease. Suck me."

Words Jack's couldn't refuse. Taking Ianto's cue, Jack used his skill to bring Ianto right to the edge and all the way over. Just as Ianto tensed and his deep groans became panted whimpers, Jack gently cupped Ianto's balls and slid a finger against the sensitive area beneath.

"Fuck! Fuck!"

Hot cum spurted down the back of Jack's throat. Anticipating it, he swallowed, but as the last spasm hit he drew back a little and caught some on his tongue. The taste was heady, intoxicating, and he wanted it for himself. Instead, he waited until Ianto lay replete, and then he crawled up Ianto's body and kissed him, passing him the leftover semen. Ianto grimaced, and though Jack wasn't too surprised at Ianto's reaction, he'd been hoping Ianto would be okay with having cum in his mouth.

"Just wanted you to know what it tastes like," Jack said.

"I know what my cum tastes like," Ianto muttered.

Astonished, Jack gaped. "You do?"

"Yes, I do. And I don't like it."

Just as Jack thought. He shouldn't have presumed a blowjob in return, but it would have been nice. Disappointment etched lines into his brow before he remembered this wasn't about him—this was about Ianto. Still, the man wanted to know all about gay sex, so he _could_ have tried. Grabbing the lube and box of condoms off the bedside table, Jack was about to suggest getting Ianto stretched, when Ianto grinned.

"Doesn't mean I won't like yours though."

Before Jack had a chance to reply, Ianto rolled over and trapped him on the mattress. "I want to taste you," he said.

Pinned down, Jack stared up at Ianto, at the smile on his lips, at the light in his eyes. "Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't ask you to do this without repaying the favour. I assume you like having a man's mouth on your cock?"

"Well yes, but you've never—"

"No time like the present to learn."

Jack knew he should be asking why again, but the thought of Ianto's tongue licking him, Ianto's lips wrapped around him, and Jack was lost. He swallowed hard, then nodded, watching as Ianto got himself in position. Ianto seemed to take stock, and then he gripped Jack's hard length and sank his mouth onto it.

Jack shuddered at the first contact, but was careful not to do anything that would hurt Ianto or make him want to stop. Warm lips, soft and pliant, enveloped his cock while a tentative yet effective tongue swiped over the head. Ianto moaned; the little hum sending vibrations through Jack's shaft. Jack stared down at him. Ianto's eyes were closed, but the way he was devouring Jack's cock made it look like he was enjoying himself. Mesmerized, Jack held back on a groan, clutching the quilt beneath him as he felt his balls begin to tighten. Struggling against the frenzied need to come and the control he needed to keep, Jack transferred his grasp from the bedspread to Ianto's hair. He pulled him up, nearly laughing at the look on Ianto's face.

"What?" Ianto asked. "Wasn't I doing it right?"

"Yes, you were doing it right. Much better than I expected." _Way better._

"So why'd you stop me?" Ianto asked, his voice tense.

Jack didn't want to admit he had no intention of coming in Ianto's mouth. It wasn't as if he wouldn't be able to come twice, it was just that he didn't want the memories of spurting down Ianto's throat to haunt him for the rest of his life. Once more he took stock of why he was doing this, and tried for a smile. "Turn over and I'll show you," he said.

Ianto sat up and shook his head. "I don't want you to do it from behind. I want us to be face to face."

Something inside Jack twisted. In every fantasy he'd ever had about making love to Ianto, he always had Ianto on his back so he could stare into his deep blue eyes. To know that was what Ianto also wanted had Jack's pulse racing. He nodded then gently helped put Ianto into position.

"Grip the backs of your knees and pull your legs up."

Ianto did as asked, exposing himself to Jack's gaze. Jack's mouth went dry. Jesus, Ianto had a beautiful pink hole, just begging to be breached. He reached for it, gently stroking the puckered skin. Ianto twitched and sucked in a sharp breath.

"Relax," Jack said instinctively. "It won't hurt so much."

"You'd better not hurt me." Ianto's growl released some of Jack's tension, and he grinned.

"It's gonna burn a little, but I'll be careful." He wasn't going to pretty this up this for Ianto, but he was going to try and make it the best sex of Ianto's life. "Now relax," Jack said again.

The lube was the same brand Jack used, so he knew how much to put on his fingers. Inching a little closer, and ignoring the tremors in his hand, Jack slowly inserted the tip of his middle finger into Ianto. Heat and tightness welcomed him, so did Ianto's low moan. Jack pushed in deeper, almost closing his eyes as the sight of Ianto accepting him became close to unbearable. God, and he hadn't even started pushing his cock in there yet.

"Okay?" he asked, just to make sure.

"More."

Ianto's plea sent a flash of heat across Jack's skin. He'd wanted this man for so long it was impossible to fight both desire and his heart. Letting go of one, Jack gave Ianto more, smearing the lube inside before adding another finger to test Ianto's endurance.

"Jack."

Jack paused, glancing up at Ianto's face. He looked so serene, so calm, when Jack felt anything but. "Yes?"

"I want you in me."

So did Jack. "I am in you."

"I want more of you." Ianto let go of one of his legs and grabbed Jack's hand. The movement caused Jack's fingers to brush against Ianto's prostate, and he groaned. "Oh God, that's…"

Heart somewhere in his throat at Ianto's response, Jack did it again. Ianto visibly shook, and his grip on Jack's hand tightened. It wasn't to stop him though, so Jack gently added a third finger, truly stretching Ianto and getting him ready.

Ianto was panting by the time Jack thought he'd be able to take his cock. He pulled his fingers free then picked up the box of condoms. Ianto avidly watched him, drawing in his bottom lip as Jack ripped open a foil packet. There was no point in asking Ianto if he was still sure, so Jack rolled the condom on and aligned himself with Ianto's waiting hole. Jack prayed though. Prayed with all his heart this wasn't going to end up with him getting hurt.

Just before he pushed in, Jack gave the inside of Ianto's knee a small kiss. Ianto's gaze never left his, and it was the trust Jack could see in those pale blue depths that gave him the courage to continue.

"Remember to relax," he said. Then, with gritted teeth, he penetrated Ianto's virgin arse.

The feel of being inside Ianto was far more intense than Jack expected. It wasn't so much the physical sensation, but the emotion behind it that made Jack groan. He gripped Ianto's thighs to hold himself steady, using all his experience to not push in too fast, too deep. He knew Ianto would need time to adjust, and he paid close attention to the nuances of Ianto's body to indicate when and how much to move.

"So good, Jack."

Ianto's soft words were like a balm, easing the concern tightening Jack's chest. He nodded before gently pushing all the way in, taking his time, but relentlessly possessing Ianto's body until it was finally his. No, not his. Ianto could never be his, not the way Jack wanted.

Pushing that thought aside, Jack concentrated on Ianto's comfort. "Still okay?" he asked.

"You have no idea." Ianto reached up and curved his hand around the back of Jack's neck and pulled him down. A gentle caress of lips teased Jack before Ianto tightened his grip and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. Jack lowered his weight and felt Ianto's erection pressing against his stomach. A shot of pleasure raced down Jack's spine and he kissed Ianto back, taking his mouth the way he was taking his body, with everything he had. Ianto shifted slightly to accommodate him, and Jack automatically started to thrust.

He began slowly, each lift of his hips measured and controlled. Ianto moved with him, wrapping his legs around Jack's waist. Muffled moans accompanied each thrust, and it took a while for Jack to realize they were coming from him. He buried his face in the crook of Ianto's neck, tasting his skin, smelling his sweat—and knowing those two things would remain with him forever.

Ianto tightened his arms around him, holding him, while his soft murmurs encouraged Jack to thrust harder, faster. Jack was becoming lost in the pleasure. He could feel Ianto's muscles surrounding him, squeezing him, embracing him. He rocked his hips, pumping with more force, more need. Ianto groaned and arched his back. Jack sought Ianto's mouth again, sliding his tongue alongside Ianto's.

His heart was racing, but it had nothing to do with how close he was to coming. This was Ianto, and he was kissing him, fucking him, and he didn't want to stop.

Everything changed in that heady moment. As Jack stroked Ianto's innermost parts he somehow felt his soul being filled, taken, and held, by Ianto. Jack lifted up and met Ianto's beautiful eyes, and knew he would never be the same. _They_ would never be the same.

"Coming. I'm coming." Ianto clutched at Jack's shoulders, body strung tight. Jack groaned, a familiar tingle at the base of his spine warning him of the same outcome.

"For me, Ianto," he said. "Come for me."

Ianto's cry sounded loud in the room, but it echoed inside Jack's heart. Wet heat splashed against his stomach the same instant Jack's orgasm took him to a place he would have sworn he'd never been.

"Fuck! Fuck, Ianto!"

Strength deserted him, and as the last pulse of intensity died, Jack collapsed. He only had enough wits about him to hold onto the condom as he carefully pulled out. Ianto's small whimper had Jack instantly pulling Ianto into his arms.

"It's okay. It's over now. It's over," he said.

And that's what he was afraid of. He knew this would happen. He knew making love to Ianto would ruin things between them. He'd hoped it wouldn't; had hoped he could do this and walk away without his heart being crushed. But from now on, every time he looked at Ianto, Jack was going to remember this and know he was never going to experience it again.

Sorrow replaced the remnants of bliss still lingering in Jack's limbs, but he continued to hold Ianto, soothing him and hoping it would be enough to get them through the next few difficult minutes. He waited until Ianto pulled free, and then steeled himself for the judgment in Ianto's eyes.

Ianto, however, smiled at him. "Thank you."

Jack nodded, not prepared to say _you're welcome_ or to offer any other inane reply. He inched away, needing some space, some room to breathe. Some time to figure out how he was going to survive each day without Ianto in his life.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just…" Jack shrugged. "I think I'd better go."

Ianto frowned and reached out to grip Jack's arm. "Why?"

"Because we never should have done this," Jack argued. "You're going to wake up tomorrow and wish you'd never asked me, and I'm going to wish I never agreed."

Ianto's face paled. "You hated it."

"Yes. No. Shit, Ianto. What I felt about it doesn't matter. It's how you're going to feel."

"And how will I feel?" Ianto sat up, anger seeming to ripple through his muscles.

"Like I let you down," Jack said against the constriction in his throat. Damn, it wasn't fair. He'd just had amazing, mind-blowing sex, and instead of revelling in it, he was pushing away the man who had given it to him. But wasn't that better? For him to leave before Ianto left him?

"You haven't let me down. Just the opposite. You've given me what I wanted."

"If getting your arse fucked was what you wanted, then yes, I have, but at what cost? What did you gain from this, Ianto? Seriously, I want to know. A hooker could have sorted out the needs from that mist. Why me?"

Ianto closed the distance between them. His breath ghosted along Jack's shoulder, making him shiver. "I thought I'd gained you."

"You've always had me. Fucking your arse wouldn't have made any difference."

"It does to me. I wanted to know what it was like. I wanted to know what being with you was like."

"Why?"

Ianto shook his head, as if Jack should have already known. "Because I love you."

Jack's heart gave a little jolt. "Love me? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It started a few months ago. I slowly began to notice little things about you, things that attracted me. Your smile, the way you laugh, the way your eyes light up when you're telling a stupid joke, that sound you make in the back of your throat just before you moan in pleasure… I've never felt that way before and…Lisa almost ruined it but ..." Ianto took a deep breath, his hands held out. "When I realized what was happening to me, I had to follow through on it. I had to find out if it was real or not. And it was."

Somehow, somewhere, Jack thought he'd dropped into _The Twilight Zone_. Was Ianto insane? Straight men didn't fall for their gay boss. That was the stuff of fairytales and romantic novels.

"No. I understand you wanted to experiment, but that's all this was. You were curious. You had an itch to scratch. Well, it's done. You don't—"

"An itch? That was not a fucking itch, Jack! We made love!"

"No, we didn't. We—" _Fucked?_ Jack cringed at the word. He hadn't fucked Ianto. You don't fuck the man you love.

"I don't understand. All these months I thought…" Ianto's face paled as he stared at Jack, and the look in his eyes was of a man lost. "Don't you want me to love you?"

Something twisted in Jack's chest, and he almost said yes, but what then? When Ianto realized loving another man was not as simple as just saying it, that there was a whole world of controversy involved, he was going to regret it, and Jack would be left with his heart shattered.

Already feeling the pain of it, Jack got up off the bed and headed toward the bedroom door, intending to get his clothes from the bathroom. He couldn't believe what Ianto was saying to him because believing meant hoping, and Jack had never dared hope there could be anything between them other than friendship.

"Where are you going?" Ianto was right behind him.

"Home."

"Jack…"

Jack turned to face Ianto. "I can't do this right now. Please, just give me some time to sort this out, okay?" Jack hurried to pull on his jeans and T-shirt. His wallet and keys were still in his pocket, but he would have left them behind if necessary. Ianto hovered by the door, but Jack didn't know if he could cope with looking at him again.

"Can I call you tomorrow?" Ianto's tentative question caused Jack to pause. He shook his head.

"I'll call you." Shoving the discomfort of that single phrase behind him, Jack walked away. He knew he was acting like a dick, but how could Ianto have thought he'd be fine with Ianto's declaration? Love him? Ianto had no idea what he was talking about. Yet, as Jack slammed the front door behind him and marched toward his car, he was remembering the way Ianto had clung to him and the way Ianto had moaned Jack's name as he was coming.

.

.

.

Monday morning came way too fast for Jack. After three sleepless nights his nerves were shot, and for the second time within a week he found himself worried about facing Ianto. However, the thing about not sleeping was it had given him the chance to re-think and re-evaluate what Ianto had told him.

Jack knew he'd reacted badly, and he regretted running out on his friend, but what was he supposed to make of Ianto's sudden admission? Jack had no idea Ianto's feelings toward him had morphed into something more— _if_ what Ianto had said was true. But why would he lie? Could Ianto love him, really love him? Furthermore, if Jack took that chance and he gave his heart to Ianto, would Ianto cherish it, look after it?

After forcing himself to explore that possibility, Jack still hadn't the balls to contact Ianto and talk to him about it. He'd promised to call, but every time he'd gone to pick up the phone fear of not hearing what he wanted to hear stopped him. Now he'd run out of time. Their Monday meeting still had to go ahead, and Jack was going to have to face Ianto today whether he was ready to or not. With his stomach cramping and his limbs feeling like lead, Jack slid through the boardroom door to see Ianto and four others already sitting at the table.

Jack nodded and smiled at the others as he usually did. But then he saw Ianto's face, and Jack's smile fell away.

Ianto looked like his world was falling apart.

Jack instantly went to him. "Are you all right?" he asked.

Ianto's normally bright blue eyes appeared dull and haunted. He shrugged; his broad shoulders barely moving beneath his suit jacket. "I don't know. Am I?"

In that split second Jack knew he'd royally fucked up. He was to blame for the way Ianto looked, all because he couldn't accept or trust what had been given to him. Well, he could be an idiot once, but where Ianto was concerned that was Jack's limit. He sat on the chair next to Ianto, and ignoring the curious glances from around the table, turned Ianto to face him.

"You look like you've slept the same amount of hours I have," he whispered so the others couldn't hear.

"I was waiting for you to call me. When you didn't…" Ianto shook his head slightly. "I guess I got my answer."

Jack groaned, knowing he needed to set this straight, and now. He glanced at their spectators. A few of them looked intrigued, but not wanting a witness to his grovelling, he grabbed a startled Ianto by the wrist and dragged him to the empty office next door.

"What are you doing?" Ianto protested. He pulled his arm free, absently rubbing at the reddened flesh. "We have a meeting."

"I'm sorry, but what I have to say needs to be done now, and I don't—"

"Jack…" Ianto flinched, and if it was at all possible he looked even worse—like he was ready to throw up. "Not here. Please."

Ashamed for not having done this earlier, Jack shook his head. "It's not like you think," he said. He picked up Ianto's hand and gently stroked his thumb across the inside of Ianto's wrist. He could feel the pulse beating there, frantic, like his seemed to be doing.

"I've been a jerk," he began, and it was only when Ianto's frown levelled out did Jack figure he could say the rest. "For the past few days I've gone from feeling shocked, to euphoric, to cynical, and I'll admit, I haven't handled it very well. I should have called you even if it was just to let you know I was still digesting what you said. Damn it, I should have just believed it the moment you said it, but I didn't, not then."

"Do you believe me now?"

"I want to. You're my employee, Ianto, and if you honestly think you love me—"

Jack didn't get a chance to say anything else. Ianto's mouth was on his, cutting off the ability to do anything other than kiss the man back. He automatically opened for him, and then moaned under the onslaught of Ianto's tongue.

Wrapping his arms around Ianto's waist, Jack hauled the man up against him. Ianto went willingly, cupping Jack's face to keep their kiss going. Shockwaves skittered across Jack's skin, and he tightened his hold on Ianto, reluctant to let the man go now that he realized he could have him.

Jack only pulled back a little when he remembered the office they were in had a glass panel in the door and wasn't exactly private. Ianto tried to drag him back, but Jack shook his head.

"I don't think this is the right time or place to continue our discussion," he said, hoping his tone sounded reasonable though he felt like pushing Ianto over the nearest desk and fucking him stupid.

"We're not discussing anything. I don't think I love you, I know I do, and it's not going to change if that's what you're worried about. I may have been straight, or the gay in me had been dormant simply because I hadn't met the right man to love, but don't think I don't know how I feel." The conviction in Ianto's eyes should have been enough, but Jack had to know more.

"You said you started to feel attracted to me months ago. Was it because you knew how I felt about you?" It was a question that had been foremost in Jack's thoughts. Had that triggered Ianto's mindset? Was that even possible?

"Kind of. I mean, I saw the way you looked at me sometimes, like you wanted to get me into your bed, so I started to wonder what it would be like." Ianto blushed then, giving colour back to his too pale features.

"Why didn't you say something, why the sudden bullshit about the canister? You ment to do that didn't you. You knew what it was?"

"I _was_ curious, obviously, and yeah, in hindsight I should have told you how I was feeling, but I wanted to show you by giving you my arse. Totally worth it."

"So you like the sex?" That was another question Jack wanted answered. Ianto had responded so beautifully, but was love colouring Ianto's enjoyment?

"I fucking love it. The way you make me feel when you're inside me…" Ianto shivered. "I love you, Jack. You've made me love you, just by being you. You're smart, you're sexy, you don't care that I'm a stubborn workaholic bully, or that I snore—"

"You snore? No, sorry, that's a deal breaker," Jack said, but he was smiling, and Ianto's answering grin set fire to Jack's nerve endings.

"So, you love me too, right?" Ianto asked.

Jack didn't think Ianto needed to ask. Jack had loved Ianto for what felt like an eternity, but the way Ianto was looking at him now, as if the world revolved around Jack's answer…

"Yes, I love you," he said, and then he pulled Ianto back into his arms and held him tight, thinking of all the ways he could prove it.


End file.
